Saturday, July 31, 2004

omg...what a f*cked up night i had. one of my friends got angry at me, i didn't get to hang out with pete cos once again he was working, i couldnt get back to my mums car to be picked up in time mostly because it was IMPOSSIBLE to...get a call from her telling me i can find my own way home if im not going to get back in time, and then get accused of being drunk when i DONT FREAKIN DRINK. *sigh* what a screwed up night. my own mother telling me she wont take me home. i call my best friend for help and he tells me to 'deal with it'. idno anymore...idno anything anymore. i dont wanna be here. what the hell does 'get over it' mean?...i thought he knew me better than that. u dont just f*ckin get over something like that. when ur stuck in a strange city, where ur not streetwise and u dont even know streetnames to be told by ur mother who has molleycoddled u and only let you out in the past few years but even then with controls and then to be told 'find your own way home'...then call ur best friend and he says 'deal with it'??????...i just started crying. i felt so..alone in the world. the person who i thought knew me so well, i start to doubt whether he does anymore. idno. i dont think i doubt him actually. i think he just doesnt know the situation fully thats all. *sigh*. i got so hysterical tonight. so...insane that i couldnt even get angry i just had to laugh. my perth friends dont know me that well to know im bordering on clinically insane when i start to laugh when im very angry. my darwin pals do. i called 2 am claire talked to me and was worried for me. thats what gets me. someone who is in another city and was sleeping, happily, and then i go and wake her up cos i need help, she helps me. but my best friend who is in perth and its only 12 and he is awake anyway, tells me to get over it *sigh*. maybe i expect too much. maybe i think too much. some people tell me i am mixing with the wrong people, i am getting too close to the wrong people and i should know they will never help me like i would help them. i think thats a lie. i dont think thats true because i know he knows me...i dont even know why i have written half this because i dont even doubt him...just im a little lost.


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