Friday, July 01, 2005

i feel so depressed right now...i keep thinking everything will be alright...but then something else comes up that just depresses me even further.

my birthday is on monday and i dont have any plans...i dont really think its that exciting to begin with...i doubt any of my other friends are going to put in much effort to do anything, but i dont mind, they are busy with work and stuff.

one thing i dont know whether i worry about is that my best friend wont even be able to spend time with me. i guess, his work is more important...he isnt in the position where he cant get off work...he works for his dad after all...but when i asked him this arvo...he didnt seem to worried about getting was "i could get off work if i asked him..."...and that was it.

then my parents are taking me out for dinner...and thats nice, so i asked if he wanted to go with me and them afterwards...just so i could at least spend time with him...but he doesnt want to. in his words, "to tell you the truth not really"...he would feel 'too uncomfortable in front of my parents'...its not like he's my girlfriend where he needs to please them so he can get their blessing to marry me for crying out loud.

*sigh* it doesnt matter. just another little ding in the armor that makes me wanna go back home.

some people would hit me for the way im many signs have told me just to ditch this whole thing...but for some reason, i just keep forgiving and giving chances.

i guess, im the idiot for believing in the first place.


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