Wednesday, December 07, 2005

i cant remember the last time i liked someone. liked as in like liked. i guess its cos i just havent had the thoughts going through my mind. no need for someone to like or love, no need to share those feelings with anyone...i guess i just shut it all off so didnt get hurt again. ive liked someone for a while now. actually more love. ive loved someone for a while now. and i knmow its love cos i cant seem to put them aside, even thought i know sometimes i should. but love isnt always about happiness, its about care and affection. its about making sure the person is happy, and safe, making them feel cheery when they are down and to be there for them whenever they need you. sometimes i think to myself why do i love this person. sometimes they can be a bit cruel and thoughtless. but for some reason, that doesnt stop me. at first i thought it was love, then as time went on, i thought it could be all another delusion, like my past experiences have been. at first it seems good, but then it deteriorates because the other person isnt caring enough. but then i thought to myself whether or not it was me expecting too much. i dont think so, everybody else seems to have it the same.


i dont even know why im writing this. i am so stupid sometimes. i wonder what my future holds. i used to be so sure. i used to be so confident. now im just a shy, worried cynic. i guess ive always been cynical though. oh well

what to do now. just keep living this existence.

not much else to do.


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