fuck fuckety fuck fuck...u kno...sometimes, i find out things about people i dont really like. sometimes, i think that theres something im so sure about them, but then they turn around and show me they just arent there for that...there for some things, not for others.

yaaaaay i have my brand new phone, its a motorola A1000 and it is pretty damn cool!...i signed up to 3 today, my lil bro did too and we have the same phone =D...3 is wikid, its got really cool things on the network and we both signed up for the entertainment pack, which lets us see comedy clips and movie times and other wikid stuff =D

anyway better get some sleep now...im very tired and i have been running around all day

i dont think ill be posting here for much longer :)...my bro has started to realise we need to talk more :)...bye!

ahhh :)...i decided to write this blog cos i wanted to just let my mind get off the troubles its on right now...i decided to clean my rooms...picked up all the clothes off my bedroom floor and im going to vacuum my office...i wish i were more like my brother...such a good guy...cept wont speak...that part i wish would change. i really wish i knew how to find out why he has problems talking to me...i want to know why he cant seem to make conversation and why he thinks everything in his head is not worth talking about...i was crying last night...except he doesnt know...he doesnt know how much i miss him...even tho ive spent ever day with him this past week, he seems so far away because i cant talk to him...i talk to him, but get no reply...i may as well talk to my wall. i really wish he would speak to me...tell me whats on his mind...he is happy to listen...but not happy to talk...maybe i should just shuttup and we can be two mute friends...drifting apart without even realising it till one day one of us needs to ask the other their name because we dont know each other anymore.

ive had such a great time these past few days...u kno...i misjudged something about pete...he isnt a bad guy...he never was...he's just...my best friend!...its that sometimes he doesnt know how to show something properly...or he doesnt know whats right...but we work it out...and we have had heaps of fun today :)...u kno...i dont think i could really ask for anything else in my life...ive got my happiness...ive got my little brother...and ive been spending heaps of time hanging out...thats all i ever wanted...someone to talk to...to lean on...to know they are there for me...and u kno what...im so glad this is all mine!!...that i can say i have a best friend...i have such a great happiness, and that no matter what...its never going to go away from me :D

i was working in peteys shop tonight...and someone told me something that i never thought i would hear from an adult. wendy said to me that pete and i were very close...and perhaps too close...then peter went away after a little while...and i continued cutting parsley with her...and she started telling me, she was only saying too close, because she was jealous. ive heard a couple of my friends say that they are jealous of my friendship with him...but for an adult to say it to me...to tell me that she really envied my friendship with my best friend...it made me feel so happy...and so lucky...that someone, whom i knew wasnt just dribbling crap...was looking at me and wishing they had such a close friendship with someone. i cant describe how that feeling is...cos its like...something you have...that isnt even a possesion in the first place...its something that happens..something that is just meant to be...and its happened to me...i feel so priveledged

last night...someone else also told me something that made me think. i had just started talking to this girl on the net...and i had been telling her bout pete and how he was my best friend...someone who i looked up to, someone who i really cherished and i couldnt live without...and after a couple of days...saying how i was going to peteys shop and working and hanging out...she asked me a question nobody has ever asked me before...that made me think. she said "does pete know oou speak this highly of him?"...and i really didnt know. i knew that he knew i thought the world about him...and ive told him before all i can talk about is him...but this girl...who didnt know me...who had just met me..and already told me that i hadnt told her anything about myself...just how great my frinedship was with peter...and i thought i had been talking about myself too much to her. that made me think, that not everyone has the opportunity to bump into their best friend and know they are going to be there always. and that talking about myself...i was actually talking about peter as well. i had a dream once..i was looking into a well, and in the water, i didnt see my reflection, i saw peteys. i knew what the dream meant, but i didnt know why i had it...but now i know...its because theres a piece of pete inside of me...that will never leave me...theres a part of pete that i kno that when times are tough, i can look inside of myself, and into my heart...and i will find the answer.

i am chris wilkie...last year, i would have told you that all of this was bullshit and i didnt need close friends. now, i am still chris wilkie...except i have a little brother who has opened my eyes.

the solitude we all seek...

wow...i never thought id long so much to work...but maybe its not that i want to work, but moreso work where i can talk to my bro and im not around complete strangers...im so damned bored...the One Tree Hill series im downloading is pretty good so far...only got a tiny tiny 3.4% left!...then finally the entire first series is mine mwahahaha :P....im still so bored :(...i wish i had been able to go to ikea today with my bro *sigh*...guess another time...hopefully tomorrow...either way im going in to work every day that i can...i MUST get out of this damned house...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...hmm and i wish i were flying to darwin too...this worl is so cruel...nobody can look after me...hopefully this weekend i will fly out...and then...whoa! darwinia...but i kno ill be missing here so much...missing the life...missing the people...and most of all, missing my brother. this year has flown past so fast...i started noticing the years going by much faster in grade 10...then year 11 went by and then yr 12 went even faster...now im in university, seperated from those i grew up around and who knew me so well...but ive found that, some things in life, u just cant explain. i really cant explain some things in my life...mainly to do with pete...but before, i just HAD to have an explanation for everything...now...since coming here...and meeting those that i have...ive found that not everything needs an explanation...just needs to be experienced...and thats what im doing :)...what used to mean so much to me, the things i stood by so firmly, no seem so...meaningless and pointless. i dont need to be wearing designer clothes...i dont need to be driving fancy cars...i dont need to always have wads of money and spend it each and every day...what i need now is my friends, most importantly my best friend, and i need to enjoy my life...fill it with happiness and wonderful memories so that maybe one day, when i have kids, i can pass it on to them and they can gain from that. one thing ive learnt that nobody should ever forget, is that if you care about someone, or love someone, then tell them. it would kill you if they slipped away from you and never knew how much you loved and cared for them. and also, never be afraid to open yourself up. choose wisely though...i had such a very hard time trusting people...i still do...but ive become very goood at knowing who to trust and who not to. the difference now is that those i do trust, i do open up to, not like before when i would shut everyone out. those that you trust, let into your heart...for it can only make you happy. what will bring you even greater happiness, is finding someone who truly means the world to you...who u truly would give up anything for, including your life...someone who you couldnt live without and who is there for all the happy times and the bad...and most importantly, someone to lean on when times are tough. when you have found that person, you have found your best friend...and a best friend for life, i promise you.

*sigh*