ummm i just checked the Big Brother website and i see max and david are evicted...but im watching it on tv and they havent been evicted yet!!!...whats going on!!?!?!?!

update: *sigh* i forgot, im in stupid perth...a friend of mine recently told me the funniest thing, WA stands for "wait awhile" lol, and thats so true!...we have to wait for everything :'(

lol classic M$ top quality products :P

oh man, i had THE BEST night last night. im a bit unhappy cos my new friend is going back to taiwan on thursday...but hopefully at the end of the year i can visit him. anyway he has to be one of the best drinking buddies i have ever had :D...had lots of fun yesterday ^_^...this is a photo (horrible as it is :P) of him and me not last night, but on the night before, after going to utopia for bubble tea :)

had a great day today :D...met my friend Mitch in the city, walked and talked for a bit and then went to check out some places around northbridge...then had lunch and did some more sight seeing, then went to see his office at curtin and hung out there for ages, watched some ab fab episodes which of course were funny as hell lol (ab fab is probably one of the best comedies ever!!) then after that we went home. pretty cool day overall ^_^

and tonight, im going out to see petey and then yeh...go to sleep lol.

people can be so quick to judge, so quick to think they know you...when they really dont. recently, i met this person who seemed really nice at the start, although, we only ever spoke on msn. somewhere along the line (and this being a very short line) they think they know enough about me to draw conclusions about me and who i am as an entire person. after talking online for only two weeks!

what irritates me, is that i know so many people who do that, who jump to conclusions and don't analyse the information presented to them about someone or something, and suddenly they are an expert. for example, people who have been reading my blog, might think they know me. i would say they would have a big insight into my life, but not all areas of it. for example, they (like this person did) may think im all about feeling sorry for myself, and that i whinge and moan about so many things. what they don't know is that my father has been having an affair for the last year or so and that we only found out a few months ago, and its been tearing my family apart. they dont know that ive had a secret dogging me for more than 5 years that isnt exactly the easiest fact to come to terms with, and only recently am i starting to accept it. they dont know that with relationships, my first girlfriend held a gun to me at one time, and later cheated on me with 5 of my friends...my second one stole random shit from me, and my fourth girlfriend dumped me cos i didnt go and see her EVERY single night of that particular week...and because of this, i find it hard to trust people and be close to them. they don't know that since moving to this shit of a place 2.5 years ago, 4 of my friends have been killed in various accidents, and thats not something easy to deal with.

they don't know this stuff cos i DONT seek pity. i DONT whinge and moan about every little thing, i just want other areas of my life to be "tidy" per se, because the bulk of my life is a mess. but then why the FUCK do they think they know me???...people i have known for 12 and 13 years dont even know me as well as these people think they do. bah i spose i shouldnt care. just another event to add to the list of shit happenings in my life, right?

*sigh* why am i so deluded?...and now i can't sleep because of it v_v

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i cant get over how nice some of my friends can be :D :D :D...i just received my belated bday present from claire thorpey lorpey (read: claire thorpe :P) and it is so so sweet. on so many levels that i dont think even she knows it is such a wonderful thing to have come to my door today. when i was in melbourne i wasgetting cracked lips cos i dont like the cold, and she lent me her "blistex"...and she so sweetly sent me one which i dont really need now but i get her intention and joke ;)...and also a lip exfoliator lol which i didnt even know they MADE lol. and awwww a ginger bread man too! thats the nicest thing, i mean of all the random things she could have picked, she picked something i enjoy, but dont get much chance to eat here! oh and a little tag to put on my bag when i travel hehe and a dvd she told me to watch lol "we can be heroes" awwwwwww so nyoh nyoh nyoh!!!!! and they all had little notes on them (its an inside thing ;)) awww so sweeeeeet!!! hehe and her card which wasnt really a card but is cos-she-says-it-is (:P) was so cute! it has little magnetic elephants on it!!

thankyou claire bear, thankyou so very much, it is such a sweet bunch of little presents, and ur so right, i do enjoy all ur presents ;) :D *big hug*

god fucking dammit. i was happy as larry 27 minutes ago. i had an important appointment at 3pm...i walk from the carpark which is so conveniently AGES away from the office, through the light drizzle of rain. i get inside, and the person who i have the appointment with isnt there. they have a workshop...a workshop! how can they schedule an appointment and go to a workshop instead without telling me v_v...so i leave a message for them to call me, and the front office lady apologises profusely (which she didn't need to do as it wasn't her fault), and then i proceed to the door where im greeted by the rain bucketing down. great. just fucking great. so i walk outside and put my satchel over my head, which didnt really do much...so im walking through the pouring rain, bag getting wet, me getting wet, feeling fucking shit cos i have had to wait for like a month for this appointment, and they arent there...they arent even free tomorrow. so guess im waiting for another week or two. anyway, who cares. spose it doesnt matter anyway.

hehe driving home after picking up my stranded drunk friend (cos i am such a nice friend ^_^...i had to drive 30km to go get him then another 30 to get home!!) i thought i'd take a pic of me going fast on the freeway...its not the fastest ive been, but its the fastest my lil civic goes ;) ...pity the phone was shaking a bit, i was shivering its bloody 1ºC tonight!!

well another week gone and i feel really good about everything i have achieved. working at heytesbury is really great, good environment, good people...im sure i said all that a week ago tho lol...sorry guys too for not posting more often. been so tired! not that i posted much hehe. oh and i had some good news to tell you! i topped 2000 unique visitors last week! about 5% only stayed for 30 seconds or less, so they must have come to the wrong site...but the rest of them stayed for 10 minutes or more! so im pretty happy. hey to everyone knew reading me!!

1% of people between the ages of 13 and 19 in the united states self mutilate. thats nearly 3 m i l l i o n people. please lets stop the self torture, and show a little more love to our kids, friends, brothers and sisters.

1% of people aged between the ages of 13 and 19 in the united states self mutilate. the US has a population of 295,734,134...approximately 2,957,341 people, nearly 3 m-i-l-l-i-o-n people hurt themselves for various reasons. please lets stop the self torture, and care for our kids, friends, brothers and sisters.

is it just me or is FRIKKEN ITUNES PUTTING ADS AT THE END OF MY GODDAMN VIDEO PODCASTS?????

update: dw folks...just the last episode of delta park tv that seems to be doing it... strange but yeh, idno whats going on :S

well its the end of my first big week working full time at heytesbury as the IT man!! the one and only of course :P currently i look after the IT departments for 5 (heytesbury head office, heytesbury beef (including 7 or 8 rural stations), heytesbury stud, vasse felix (the winery) and the holmes à court gallery) of the 30 or so companies in the heytesbury group (which by the way is one of the largest privately owned companies in australia). i have the pleasure of working alongside janet holmes a court and her son paul, both very nice and distinguished people. i love working there, it has been a good experience so far (cept for shitty fiona lol) and i foresee it as being a good stepping stone onto bigger and better things for me in the long run.

im thinking now that i am probably a very lucky kid. i was complaining today that fiona (paul's and one of janet's PAs) keeps shifting work onto me that she should be doing, and it ended up me getting toner on my $300 shirt. sitting here and thinking leads me to consider that not everyone even has $300 shirts to complain about getting toner on. as i think back over my whole live, i actually see that i have been very lucky. i have been given so many good opportunities that others can only dream of...i have things others will never own in their entire lifetimes and generally my life is very easy.

i guess thats why the small things now are now starting to become so obvious to me to sort out. i have been living my exciting busy life, but the things that define me are sitting in a messy heap waiting to be looked at and sorted.

anyway, i just wanted to say to anyone who is listening...i am very thankful for the opportunities my life has presented me so far, and i only hope i can be so lucky all throughout my life.

congrats petey on passing all ur units!! *high five*

yes...this is me parking my car ;)

i dont know why im writing this here for you to read, yes its gonna be me pouring my heart out so if you dont wanna read it, then fuck off.

i dont wanna be here anymore. so many different things contribute to my life, my family, my best friend, my friends and myself. my family is disrupted beyond belief and i cant do anything about it, but i dont know if i want to. lately, a lot i have just felt like ive been drowning, drowning in the fact that i cant do anything, but also questioning if i want to do anything about it, and if i even care. should i care?...idno. i just want everybody around me to fuck off. my best friend is flipping between being good and shit and we fight and its just gotten to be a farce i dont want to have to deal with. my friends, well depends which ones ur talking about. the ones from darwin are ok i guess. i dont see them as often as i'd like, but i do keep in contact, which is good. apart from that, its just becoming a bit mundane with them. dont ask me why.

my other friends here just exist in my mind right now. idno what to say about them, they are there, but i have very little interaction with them, and that pisses me off on so many levels. why should i have to be the one who keeps up the friendship if im only a convenience to them. also, it pisses me off they keep up this fake facade which is there to maintain the convenience of "friendship".

myself i just dont know what to do with. i want to just leave and not do anything. sleep forever and never wake up to whats going on around me. im sick of my family, im sick of peter, im sick of my friends here, and im sick of living this fucked up life. i am sick of sorting out problems which only arrive the following week again. im sick of having to deal with this falsety in peter that just wont go away. i want to tell him to fuck the hell off cos he is not a very good friend. but for some reason, i give him the benefit of the doubt and i put myself aside for him. its not worth it. ino its not worth it. so why do i continue with it?...i have given up my principles for a worthless cause.

today while driving, i wonder why i didnt slam yet another car into the side of the freeway, in the hope of getting to my eternal bed. im tired. my heart is tired. i want to be appreciated. i want to get rid of this burden. but it doesnt seem to leave.

i want someone to come and whisk me away so i can live on my cloud 9 like i used to in highschool. why cant i go back to living at 62 east point road, with my fancy cars, my huge house and my wealthy bickering parents. why have i changed myself when i didnt need to?...fuck all these poor bastards around me, they arent my standard and i dont want them in my life. but thats the wrong thing to do christopher. you should be compassionate, and accept people for who they are, for richer or for poorer. nah i'll be right thanks. ive never had trouble making friends in my own class where i didnt need to worry about these immaterial things called feelings. i had my bubble. my bubble of happiness through no pain. people here just dont get me. i dont get you christopher, and i am you.

why would you want to devote yourself to someone who doesnt fucking care? but he does care. no he doesnt, if he did, he wouldnt act like such a dick. he is growing up too tho, u have to remember he has things to think about too. oh yeh, are those the things he is meant to discuss with me, cos thats what friends do? fuck off. i fight with myself cos i cant just put my foot down and leave. ive turned into a weak gutless girl. i hate myself, i hate what i am and i hate who i have become. whats more annoying is that peopel around me try to tell me im normal, and im all these things i am not. i know what i freakin am. why cant i just meet people who arent annoying?...why cant i live the perfect life i see in the movies?...cos u know thats fake christopher. oh screw you, what the hell would you know?...i know what you know dude. yeh ur a fucking nutjob, just like the rest of the people i know. really?...im not the one having a conversation with myself.

the heart collector by michael fallik

i had a pretty wikid day today ^_^...went to this computer auction...then did some work stuff, then peter, his sis and me went to see pirates of the carribean - dead mans chest. it was good movie overall, didnt have a proper ending, and i hadnt seen the first one the whole way through lol, but yeh, the movie was good and so was my whole day :). there were some little shitty bits, but they will be forgotten by tomorrow, so alls good

well...if you didn't already know, today, the 4th of july, is my birthday :)...i had a very good day overall with just the right amount of excitement lol. first i wake up, within the next 5 minutes peter calls me and tells me he is at my door and so i go to open it (its deadlocked cos my mother is a nut job and is a paranoid fruitcake) and when i finally get it open, there peter is holding my pressie and a cake with a freshly blown out candle hehe. the wind got to it before i did lol, but it was still the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me :D so anyway he gives me his present which is really really nice, and i open it along with some of my other presents from friends and family, then he has to rush off to work.

later on, seiji rocks over to say hi and cos he is bored lol, so of course everyone just decides to come here when they are bored lol, and so we hung out for a while, then he had to go back to work, and i went to lunch with my mum and my sister. we went to a place called Zamia's Cafe...a really nice place in the middle of kings park. i had the biggest salad i have ever had lol, a caeser salad with chicken...it was sooo yummy, i was very full after eating it ^_^. thomas also called me to wish me happy bday which was nice :) he's the ONLY ONE FROM UNI (apart from peter) who said happy bday to me...everyone else i know in the world wished me lol, but not my uni friends...i wonder what that says about how much i mean to others...



and in the evening, i went to have dinner with peter and penny (pete's sister) at a vietnamese place in northbridge and we had lots of food, lemon chicken, squid, bok choy and a spicy dish and some beef. and the YUMMIEST drink with strings of jelly in it. ahhhhh i love that drink lol. at some point during the dinner penny dard me to rub raw chili on my tongue, which i proceeded to do lol cos i can never give up a good dare hehe...what happened after tho was the hand i had used to rub chili on my tongue, i then rubbed my left eye with, and the searing pain set in very very quickly. that pained for about half an hour, then dissipated. apart from that tho hehe, it was really really nice having dinner with them. then penny has to go back to work for a lil bit, then peter and i go to get bubble tea. so i get mine and drink it then we go back to the car, and thats when the fun starts lol. not 2 mins in the car and im pulling up to the boom gate to put in my token to get out and i must have stopped too fast or something, and the bubble tea falls on the floor and bursts!!! freakin honeydew milk with pudding all over my passenger side floor v_v. so we pull out of the car park and into the closest one lol and mop it up...spend bout 5 mins doing that then some randoms come so we leave and go back to petey's shop to get paper towels, finish mopping it up (i went to go pee at some point during all this hehe) and then i say bye and thankyou to petey, and go home. and so here i am, writing this lol.

overall, i have had one of the best days i have ever had. i realise i dont give some people enough credit, namely peter, and i realise that i do have good friends here in perth, something i didnt think i would ever have, simply cos i dont let many people get too close to me. but, i was wrong, and im happy for it :D

i got to wear some of my snazzy new things too, so i was happy bout that aswell hehe.

well i beter go catch up on some tv now, and i will be back another time.

aaaand im officially 20 as of this minute!

a bit long this one, i dont recommend downloading it over dialup...its a countdown of the top 5 funniest pets in japan. number 1, at the very end is by far the smartest and funniest thing to see lol

hehe its not true, but funny all the same

my god...whatever the fuck was running through the minds of ashley and john from BB, i don't know how on earth they thought they could get away with it when their every move is being broadcast on NATIONAL BLOODY TV. they are sick, and if this behaviour is indicative of the way our society is becoming, then this country really needs to pull it's socks up.

although, i should say that not all aussies are like these two...but honest to god, something better be done about this.

weee i have locoroco!!!

*pinch* and a *punch* for the first of the month